Mixed Emotions

How could you do this to me?

After all this time.

You were DEAD to me.

Not even in existence.

I had to pretend you fell off the face of the earth just to move on with my life.

And now you want to just show up in my life?

Do you even know the pain you've caused me?

No. You don't.

Don't act like you know me.

I'm not the girl you knew and I'm glad I'm not.

And yet I know I'm only mad because I love you.

Mad because I'm over you, and yet still, somehow love you.

So many memories flood back.

Good and Bad.

Good Times.

Like the time we went mudding.

Oh the look on your mother's face when she hosed us down like cattle.

I sat on the back of your dirt bike with mud hardening in my hair.

I remember the taste of mud when I leaned in to kiss you.

And we laughed when we realized how nasty it was!

Bad Times.

9am.

The pencil would not stay still in my hand.

I was so frustrated! I couldn't hold the damn pencil!

It was leaping out of my hand, into my heart, stabbing profusely.

I left for the bathroom, holding my own hair back.

You weren't there.

I walked out of there seeing "I love You" written in the snow.

I saw it everywhere I turned.

Too much to take in right now.

Can we take it slow?

Are we even "friends" yet?

I hope not.

It's too much to take in right now.

Please, don't make Sarah feel the same way I did.