Stop Running

Sometimes I think that

if I could just be in your arms again,

everything would be okay.

That if, somehow,

you were to walk through the front door,

just like you used to,

I'd forget all the pain.

But what keeps you running?

You waste so much time on her

When you know all this time

She never loved you the way I did.

I could be there for you in ways she'd never be.

I thought you'd figured that out after our long midnight conversation.

When I was just there to listen.

When I was there to tell you God was on your side.

When I was there to be your best friend.

Yet you run back to her.

She's some disease you can't rid yourself of.

She eats at you and tears you down.

She takes away everything to love about you.

How long do you expect me to wait for you?

I won't wait forever.

You're wasting time you can't get back.

When are you going to get yourself together?

You aren't in high school anymore.

Life is happening now.

You say you want to leave her;

Done so several times.

Be a man! Leave her and stick to your word!

You tore my heart out and I was good to you.

Why's it so hard to do the same to her when all she does is fight with you??

Oh.

You don't have a back door this time.

You don't have another Sarah to take her spot and waste more time.

Did you really think you weren't going to have to face yourself eventually?

That time is now.

And if you blink, it's going to pass you by.

For once, do what you know is right instead of trying to please everyone else.

You've got one life to live and I've never seen someone waste so much of it.

I got myself together.

Now it's your turn.

Stop Running.

I don't want to wait anymore.

Mixed Emotions

How could you do this to me?

After all this time.

You were DEAD to me.

Not even in existence.

I had to pretend you fell off the face of the earth just to move on with my life.

And now you want to just show up in my life?

Do you even know the pain you've caused me?

No. You don't.

Don't act like you know me.

I'm not the girl you knew and I'm glad I'm not.

And yet I know I'm only mad because I love you.

Mad because I'm over you, and yet still, somehow love you.

So many memories flood back.

Good and Bad.

Good Times.

Like the time we went mudding.

Oh the look on your mother's face when she hosed us down like cattle.

I sat on the back of your dirt bike with mud hardening in my hair.

I remember the taste of mud when I leaned in to kiss you.

And we laughed when we realized how nasty it was!

Bad Times.

9am.

The pencil would not stay still in my hand.

I was so frustrated! I couldn't hold the damn pencil!

It was leaping out of my hand, into my heart, stabbing profusely.

I left for the bathroom, holding my own hair back.

You weren't there.

I walked out of there seeing "I love You" written in the snow.

I saw it everywhere I turned.

Too much to take in right now.

Can we take it slow?

Are we even "friends" yet?

I hope not.

It's too much to take in right now.

Please, don't make Sarah feel the same way I did.

Lessons Learned

I think.

A lot.

And I've been reflecting on how much I've grown and changed in the past few years of my life.

I wouldn't consider myself to be a person of wisdom, but there are just a few things I've come to know:

1.) The things you hold onto the most are like water in your hands. If you cup the water in your hands, the water sits at rest. But if you squeeze your hands to tightly, all the water slips right through your fingers. The things you hold onto the most are what slip through your fingers the easiest.

2.) Listening to your parents isn't about you following rules. It's about how much you respect and love them.

3.) LADIES: A man will NEVER make you happy. Ever. Period. The more you look to find happiness from a guy, the more you will find that you will never attain it. No matter what your relationship status is, you are stuck with all of who you are and you have to learn to love yourself.

4.) Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.

5.) Whether it's the best or worst of times, it's the only time we have. And you can waste all of your life wanting something you don't have, or you can sit back and appreciate what you have at the moment.

6.) It takes far more guts to do the right thing than to take the easy way out.

7.) Real Love isn't about following a list of rules. It's not about demands placed upon us. Love is about being so consumed in agape love that you can't help but to want to live for God.

8.) Prom night is so much better when it's spent with real friends and when you're not wearing an uncomfortable dress.

9.) When it comes to relationships, love isn't always enough. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that they are the right person for you or that they treat you as well as you should be treated. Don't let your emotions fool you.

10.) Before we conquer the world, we must first conquer thy self.

11.) The best way to make a difference in someone's life is to be the love in their life.

12.) Simplicity can only be obtained when you allow yourself to become completely satisfied with what you've been given. Then there's no need for complexity.

13.) Don't dwell on your mistakes from yesterday because today, your only goal is to be better than you were the day before.

14.) Tough situations don't last; Tough people do.

15.) People will come in and out of your life all the time. When someones leaves, it just means that they've fulfilled their purpose in your life.

16.) Time is more of a friend than you think...